Just a nursing student with a writing addiction and a caffeine problem trying to find her way
I like to blog about Darren Criss and coffee and kittens and books and things that make me happy. I used to be a glee blog, but I'm quickly becoming a multi-fandom blog
Sidebar credit to hughxjackman
kittens purring
a little preview of the Lovesong piece I started writing, because I haven’t posted anything in awhile
Until This Fickle Heart Stops Beating
or, how I want the proposal scene to go down, with lots of feelings
(glee finale spoilers)
His hands are shaking, a swarm of butterflies trying to take flight in his stomach. He wanted to make this big, wanted to just drop to one knee in the choir room, in front of all their friends, to make a romantic proclamation of love to Kurt, to ask him and have their friends clapping and cheering when he said yes.
But something stilled his hands, locked his knees, whispered in his ear. Wait. So he waited, the tiny box digging into his thigh from where it rested in his pocket, a reminder. He waited through the celebratory dinner at Breadstix, through the excited conversation, Kurt’s body pressed against his in the booth that wasn’t meant for this many people. He waited and he smiled.
After.
“Blaine? Blaine, oh my god.”
Blaine blinks up at Kurt and smiles sleepily.
“Kurt.”
“Oh my goodness Blaine, what happened? Are you okay?”
It’s that tired that sinks into your bones, that settles in like the crisp chill of winter, steals your marrow and sludges through your blood stream. It’s that tired that makes Kurt want to let his knees give out, to sink onto the floor and curl into a ball and never get back up.
He just needs to sleep. Next weekend. Next weekend he’ll have time to sleep. He just has to make it through. Somehow.
Eyes slide closed and Kurt lets his forehead rest against the steering wheel. The car idles in the driveway but he can’t make himself get out. He can’t because then he has to go inside, then he has to face Blaine and tell Blaine and he doesn’t know how Blaine is going to take it but he has too, he needs to, Blaine deserves to know.
But he’s tired and his hands are shaking and maybe he can just rest, just for a moment. Before he has to face the rest of the day. Before he has to tell Blaine.
A knock on his window and he turns to see Janessa, her face concerned. Kurt just stares, doesn’t seem to know what to do, what to act, how to be. He just wants to sleep everything away.
She opens the door with a click, crouching down to stick her head in the car.
“Is there a reason you’re just sitting in the driveway?” she asks and Kurt just breaks, a sob ripping itself from his throat. Janessa is quick, her arms around him, pulling him in against her, her hand rubbing a gentle circle on his back.
And Kurt lets himself cry into her warm shoulder, let’s himself be held, and she doesn’t say anything, just holds him close and tight and he feels safe. Protected.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt murmurs after his tears have slowed, embarrassment slowly beginning to creep in. “I’m so sorry.”
“Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize,” Janessa soothes, pulling back slightly, her hand massaging the tension from his shoulder. “What’s going on?”
Kurt sniffs, takes a deep breath, tries not to think about how pathetic he must look right now.
“Blaine’s school program, the one he’d been working for so hard, it’s been shut down.”
Janessa is silent, her hands tightening slightly.
“He worked so hard for it. He spoke at conferences and practically had to grovel at the school board to get this program started and now they’re just shutting it down. Like it doesn’t matter. Like all of Blaine’s work doesn’t matter.”
“Why?” Janessa asks, voice soft.
“Because no one else wants to run it. Because no one cares about these kids as much as Blaine and he’s going to feel like he failed them, I just know he’s going to.”
Blaine didn’t really cheat. He’s just trying to make it hurt a little less for Kurt. That’s a good thing, right?
warnings: cancer, teenagers making bad decisions, TBU
word count: 1,287
Title from the Mumford and Son’s song Lover’s Eyes
For a long time, Blaine lays there and breathes. He breathes through the nausea, through the tears, the ache, the utter hopelessness. More than anything he’d wanted to get out of bed, to chase Kurt and hold him in his arms and tell him how sorry he is, that he knows he was wrong, he was so, so wrong. But he can’t, he can barely even move without the pain sweeping through him so intense it makes him sick, keeping him stuck here, a prisoner in his own bed, the echo of Kurt’s words in his head.
Blaine didn’t really cheat. He’s just trying to make it hurt a little less for Kurt. That’s a good thing, right?
warnings: cancer, teenagers making bad decisions, TBU, puking
word count: 1,455
Title from the Mumford and Son’s song Lover’s Eyes
Kurt walks through the halls of the hospital, tries to ignore the thumping of his heart in his chest, the way his palms have started sweating. He’s not sure how he makes it when everything in him is screaming to stop, to turn back and just leave. But his feet keep stepping, leading him to the elevator, his hand moving without his permission to click the button for the fifth floor. There’s a couple in the elevator, the girl crying into the man’s shoulder and Kurt closes his eyes, tries to focus on the generic elevator music because he just can’t deal with this right now.
Blaine didn’t really cheat. He’s just trying to make it hurt a little less for Kurt. That’s a good thing, right?
warnings: cancer, teenagers making bad decisions, TBU
word count: 417
Title from the Mumford and Son’s song Lover’s Eyes
Kurt sits in the airport, his knee bouncing as he stares at his phone. His fingers hover over a name, a name he doesn’t want to click, doesn’t even want to think about right now, but how can he not, after what he knows. It settles over him like a dark shadow, a secret looming over him, something so big he can’t believe…
anon prompted: mpreg! Cutesie belly cuddles or freaking out when they first start to show.
301 words of sappy mpreg, be warned
Kurt tries not to say anything, he really does. He bites his lip and tries not to smile, figures maybe Blaine knows and is waiting until they actually go out to change. So he just sits back on the couch, watches as Blaine takes out all his books and records from the bookshelf, meticulously dusts, and puts them all back, his shirt leaving a good four inches of curved tummy exposed.
Blaine didn’t really cheat. He’s just trying to make it hurt a little less for Kurt. That’s a good thing, right?
warnings: cancer, teenagers making bad decisions, TBU
word count: 1,119
Title from the Mumford and Son’s song Lover’s Eyes
There was a crack in the wall, winding its way up before curving down, a single lonely path. Blaine wishes he could reach out and trace it with his thumb, feel the lines and grooves, the way it would snag his skin. But he can’t, it’s all the way across the room and he’s stuck in this bed. He can barely even move as it is, the morphine floating through his system only doing so much to dull the deep, aching pain radiating from his hips.
Anon prompted: early-LS where Blaine has one of his first seizures at home and Kurt starts freaking out because this is the first one he’s had to deal with on his own.
Anon prompted: something with a little angsty kurt, ending with Blaine trying to hold Kurt the best that he can.
word count: 1,401
I haven’t done a thorough reread so I apologize for any mistakes!
Kurt knows it was going to happen, Blaine has been home for over a week, but he’d always hoped. Hoped that maybe if he didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t happen. That somehow, Blaine’s brain would fix itself, and he wouldn’t have to be in this so utterly alone.
